How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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