I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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