my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
