I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
