Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
