I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize