I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
