The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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