I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
