Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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