he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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