His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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