Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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