oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
