i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
