I cockslap morals
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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