k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
