drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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