Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dicks are not precious.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
