i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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