this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
