I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Two words: blizzard sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
