Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize