doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
