21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
