I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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