Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
