I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
