Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
