there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
