I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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