i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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