I could have mohawked her pubes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
