My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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