Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
