I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
