For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
