so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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