Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
