Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
