Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
