I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
