i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
