i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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