Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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