im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
