Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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