I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
