wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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