I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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