Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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