Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
