Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
