i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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