I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
