Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
