i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
