ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
