He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
