Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
