This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
