im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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