Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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