I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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