After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
