i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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