there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
