I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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