so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
