I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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