wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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