Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
