Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
