She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love you.
Bad choice
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