I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
