its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
