**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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