I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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