He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
